Sunday, August 25, 2013

8/25 - Now THAT's over with...

Ever since my anxiety went away a week or so ago, when I had that epiphany about not getting fired if I work hard enough, I've found it nearly impossible to put in work after hours. I've brought my laptop home every night, but only actually worked on homework one night in the past week and a half.  I think this might be part of the cause:
 I've worked on homework at work, while also working on cards (a little). I'd like to say I've been busy accomplishing other things, but most nights you can find me glued to my phone, playing this:
Important stuff, right?

It doesn't help I've been fatigued this past week. That might be due to how hard I'm pushing myself physically, and maybe to how poorly I'm sleeping (again).

I did get quite a bit accomplished this weekend. Superman and I have started running from each others houses for our long runs. He drives my car home, then runs to his house while I run home from his place. It's pretty much exactly a 13 mile run door to door. I get the easy route, which has like a 400 foot elevation drop. He gets to run all uphill. Lucky for me he likes punishment like that. I'll have my chance to get good at hill work when my runs get closer to marathon length.

After the run, I got all my grocery shopping done, then did a lot of cooking. I normally do my cooking for the week on Sundays, but I was supposed to spend the afternoon with a friend today. She bailed at the last minute, which actually worked for me because I had to find a dress for a wedding next weekend. 4 hours of shopping this afternoon and I found the perfect dress. It's cute, summery, hides my belly, and cost all of $13 (marked down from $70). Some days the shopping gods just smile on down on a person. I won't even have to buy new shoes!

I came home with the dress, then did a lot more food processing. The shopping gods smiled down on me yesterday while grocery shopping too. I scored at least $15 worth of green peppers and tomatoes for $3. I made tomato soup yesterday. Today I cut the peppers, then vacuum packed and froze them. I did laundry and dishes, puttered in my garden, and basically took a rest day.

I don't have anything to laugh at today. Instead I have something that's been bothering me for a while now.

I normally don't have any difficulty finding my moral compass. I live by the rule "an it harm none, do as you will." I try not to judge, and I try to behave in ways that are true to myself. When I start doing things that make me uncomfortable with myself, I look at why, then work toward getting back into balance.

I'm currently doing things that make me uncomfortable with myself, in relation to a friend of mine. He's not a "empty my bank account for you" type of friend. It's more a "hang out every once in a while and have a few laughs" kind of relationship. This friend has of late become quite exhausting to be around. I guess it's a good thing he's comfortable enough to be his true self around me, which from what he's told me has not been the case for most of the time I've known him. His true self, however, is somewhat inappropriate and a bit demanding. The last time I saw him, he talked at me non-stop, preventing me from talking with anyone else in the room for the entire time I was there.

I find I'm now avoiding this person. This is the part I'm uncomfortable with. I don't like planning things around trying not to see him. On the other hand, I get the impression telling him he's inappropriate would only egg him on to be even more so. I'm also a little afraid of his reaction, as he's indicated he has violent thoughts. I don't know how valid my impression of him is any more. I don't know what he's capable of, and I no longer trust his behavior.

I also don't know what my responsibility is to this person. The "friendship" was based on who he presented himself to be, which is apparently not who he really is. Do I try to talk with him and let him know why I'm no longer hanging around, or do I just stop hanging around where he is? The latter is not all that difficult, since I'm unhappy hanging out where he is for other reasons. The only real draw at this point is to hang out with someone else, who appears to be content moving the hang-out spot as well.  (how convoluted was THAT sentence?!?)

I'm probably going to have to confront him at some point, which is not an appealing option. I can't keep avoiding him though, and I don't want to hang out with him any longer. Telling him is really the only option left. I guess I knew that, just didn't want to admit it to myself.

See, there are benefits to writing this stuff out. Thanks!

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